Friday, May 9, 2008

The Realties of Our World Today

OK so I've been debating on writing about this since the "incident" happened, but after a week of thinking about it, I've decided that since parents aren't always aware about what goes on around their children that it may inspire some of you to be "more watchful".
Last weekend on Friday, Dejah was outside playing with her little friend Austin (4) who lives right across the street from me. This is something that she has been doing lately since the weather has been warmer. I usually always have my eye on them weather they are in the front or in the back. I don't watch like a hawk, but I am always aware of where Dejah is. OK, so just a couple houses down from Austin, is a family of Mexicans. Now I am not racist by any means, but I am very disappointed at how many of these families lack "structure". There are a few children that live there. Two which I know, Richard (6) and his little brother (4). Their mom is single and 21 years old. She works full time and supports all that live in this house. The kids grandmother watches the kids (if you want to call it watching), is pregnant, and doesn't speak English. There are Uncles and others that also live in the house. OK so back to my story. Well sometimes these Mexican boys like to play with Austin, and when he is playing with Dejah sometimes they come around to play also. Well Friday they were all out in the front and I noticed them go to the side of the house. After waiting for a minute for them to emerge to the back I stepped out in front and asked what they were up to. I could only see Austin because Dejah and the other two boys were on the side of the house. Well Austin said to me, "They are going to hump her." In total shock at what I just heard I asked "What!?", and he repeated "they are going to hump her". I asked one more time because I was in absolute shock at what was coming out of this 4 year old's mouth. Once I understood, I yelled to Richard and the other kids to get over here right now. I asked him what was going on and the kids said that they were going in the back to play. I immediately sent all the boys home and had Dejah come inside. I was shaking with nerves and didn't know what to do. After talking with my sister on the phone, I walked over to Austin's house to talk to his mom. I told her what Austin had told me and she said she would help me get to the bottom of it. So after talking to her son and the younger Mexican boy, they told her that Richard pulled his pants down and so did Dejah, and that was it. I sat down with Dejah and looked at her in the face and asked what was going on...no pressure. I confronted her about Richard pulling his pants down and she absolutely DID NOT know what I was talking about. When I changed my wording and told her that Richard was in trouble for pulling his pants down she said very innocently "He did??". When I asked what was going on she said they were going to the back to play. I didn't get any of the same story out of her, and she was completely ovlivious to anything that just happened. I was having a really difficult time explaining to my 3 1/2 year old what was not appropriate. I used simple and factual words and was right to the point, but I don't think she got it. Anyway, Austin's mother informed me that she knows for a fact that Richard has seen pornography in his home. So the question is this, do I report this to child protective services out of concern for all the children, or do I continue the way I am by only allowing her to play with Austin in the back yard where I can see them? I know I've already talked to some of you about this. It is pretty scary for me. I feel like a Mother way out of my element, and not prepared to take on this world. I am trying to be courageous, and step up by taking action, but I don't want to overstep my bounds. I have had extended family members that have had to deal with this stuff directly and for that I am so sorry. I can only imagine the trials they have had. I just want to do whats best for my children, and keep them as safe as I possibly can. So parents, keep an eye on your children. Try to talk to them plainly about the dangers in the world while encouraging them to live life to its fullest. I am comforted in knowing that nothing bad happend to my daughter. I am glad I was there. Be aware. Be involved. This whole experience has opened my eyes.

9 comments:

  1. Wow. Thanks for being open and posting about that! It IS something we all hate to hear but probably need to. Personally, I would call about it and tell the 'authorities' about the situation, just what happened, and what you and the other mothers' suspicions are. That way if something similar (or worse) happens either involving you guys or not, with these little boys, there will be record of it. Let the authorities take it from there. But if something else continues, you don't want to finally speak up after something worse has happened. Also speaking directly to the boys mother might be beneficial. With her gone and working, she may have no idea what is going on in her own house. If she is a caring mother at all, she will look into it, even the accusations of her younger boy, if it was false. If she does nothing, you have stood up as a mother who cares. So sorry you had to deal with the situation and discussing the ways of life when Dejah is still so young! Thank goodness you were there!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so upsetting. I think you should maybe report it too. When children are that sexualized it is usually because they are being molested. Has Dejah played with these boys before this? Who's to say this is the first incident? Hopefully it is. So scary and upsetting.
    Mitzi

    ReplyDelete
  3. She's played with them before, but not much, and they've always been at our house where I can see them. I don't let Dejah play at their houses, so its always in the yard. Plus, I guess Austin is really good at tattle telling.

    ReplyDelete
  4. WOW! I can't believe this! I can just see how innocent Dejah's face must have been. Bailey would have no idea what was going on. Poor thing!

    ReplyDelete
  5. WOW! I can't believe this! I can just see how innocent Dejah's face must have been. Bailey would have no idea what was going on. Poor thing!

    ReplyDelete
  6. That is so scary. Justin and I decided a long time ago to talk to Tegan about things of this nature. We will do the same with Scout. We feel that we want them to be aware of what is not appropriate, and to always feel like they can tell us anything. I am always so worried about stuff like this. I am not sure what I would do, but I don't think I would let it go, and I know that Justin wouldn't leave it alone.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anna, I am so sorry that this has encountered your family. I hardly feel grown up enough to be dealing with this kinda stuff. If it were me I would report it. Who knows what all is really going on in their house hold. You are a fabulous mother and your kids are greatly blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  8. First...Holy Cow!! Our advise...report it...if you don't do it now, you may regret not telling the right people later. Good luck...and keep being the wonderful mom you are...Happy Mother's Day!! The world could use more attentive mothers like you!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. While I'd hardly consider myself an authority, since I was only a street cop for two months, I did learn a thing or two in that time. One thing is that you should definitely call someone. If you call the police, because there's no hard evidence, they probably won't do anything beyond take a report, which may be all you want them to do. That way, if something happens in the future, you have a documented history which makes for a much stronger case. If you call child services, I don't know how they will handle it; they may also just take a report or may actually take action. That being the case, you may have to ask yourself what you want to actually have happen. So the bottom line is that I think you should tell someone who can make an authoritative record for the future so that action can more easily be taken when necessary. Scary stuff. I'm all about having our house be the place for our kids to play and have sleepovers, etc. I'm really going to have to know the other parents pretty well before I let my kids go over there.

    Scott

    ReplyDelete