Have you ever had a Two year old in such a screaming fit that there is "no communication possible", no punishment that "works", no way to stop the agony in your ears? Lately, Mycah has been doing just that! It may be for no reason at all. It may be because she didn't get what she wants. It comes from nowhere and doesn't stop. She gets into this screaming tantrum and no matter what you do it doesn't "fix" anything. The other day, I don't really remember what set it off, but the scream fest began. I decided to do my best just to ignore her and not even acknowledge the pathetic behavior. I timed it....45 MINUTES!! Solid screaming! No joke. And if you've ever heard Mycah's scream you will know it is extremely loud and difficult to ignore. Well you'd think my "avoiding" her got her to figure it out....NOPE. Yesterday it was getting so old I decided to use an old trick that my Brother and Sister-in-Law used on their daughter when she would get like this. A COLD SHOWER! When Dejah got like this...it totally worked. As shocking as it may seem, and as cruel as it may sound, I'm telling you IT WORKS! You take them to the shower and stick them in clothes and all. So I tried it on Mycah. She screamed, she hated it, I told her to stop screaming and I would take her out...and wouldn't you know it....she stopped. I wrapped her in a towel, gave her some love and told her that we don't scream, and that she needed to used her words. I must say Mycah knows how to live those "terrible twos". I can handle a fit. I prefer time-out, but when nothing works, this is the method. They remember it. If the behavior starts, all I have to do is threaten a cold shower and she'll just move on to a fuss where I can "communicate" with her. I think I only had to do it twice with Dejah and she totally got it. Anyway, being a parent can be difficult, but I love my kids. It will be fun adding a boy to the mix. Hopefully he will be less "emotional" than my girls.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Cold Shower!
Have you ever had a Two year old in such a screaming fit that there is "no communication possible", no punishment that "works", no way to stop the agony in your ears? Lately, Mycah has been doing just that! It may be for no reason at all. It may be because she didn't get what she wants. It comes from nowhere and doesn't stop. She gets into this screaming tantrum and no matter what you do it doesn't "fix" anything. The other day, I don't really remember what set it off, but the scream fest began. I decided to do my best just to ignore her and not even acknowledge the pathetic behavior. I timed it....45 MINUTES!! Solid screaming! No joke. And if you've ever heard Mycah's scream you will know it is extremely loud and difficult to ignore. Well you'd think my "avoiding" her got her to figure it out....NOPE. Yesterday it was getting so old I decided to use an old trick that my Brother and Sister-in-Law used on their daughter when she would get like this. A COLD SHOWER! When Dejah got like this...it totally worked. As shocking as it may seem, and as cruel as it may sound, I'm telling you IT WORKS! You take them to the shower and stick them in clothes and all. So I tried it on Mycah. She screamed, she hated it, I told her to stop screaming and I would take her out...and wouldn't you know it....she stopped. I wrapped her in a towel, gave her some love and told her that we don't scream, and that she needed to used her words. I must say Mycah knows how to live those "terrible twos". I can handle a fit. I prefer time-out, but when nothing works, this is the method. They remember it. If the behavior starts, all I have to do is threaten a cold shower and she'll just move on to a fuss where I can "communicate" with her. I think I only had to do it twice with Dejah and she totally got it. Anyway, being a parent can be difficult, but I love my kids. It will be fun adding a boy to the mix. Hopefully he will be less "emotional" than my girls.
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Man, I wish I'd known that 17 years ago. Chase had tantrums and like you said NOTHING helped. I timed one one time and it lasted 1 hour and ten minutes. What a great idea!!!!!!!!!!! Shelley
ReplyDeleteOh dear, for your sake I hope your boys are less emotional too!! MINE SURE AREN'T!!! Rylan lately is making me hate being a mom! HATE IT! Thanks for the new tip though, he's hit terrible two's with a vengeance! Sounds like a good trick to me and a lot quicker and less painful then putting them in their room then proceeding to hold the doorknob tight and closed for an hour + while they throw their fit...ah. sorry, had a bad morning! I sure hope your boy is better than mine! Right now for me I almost wish we had all girls!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy brother in law and sister in law use this too...they swear by it!
ReplyDeleteI think it is a great idea. I am filing this method away...
ReplyDeleteI never thought about using that when they are throwing fits... I might have to try it. I have used it when potty training. I know it sounds mean, but Tegan was so hard to potty train, and finally when she got a cold bath it started to work. I fiqure whatever helps keep us sain!!
ReplyDeleteI'm just waiting to use this one too. Caleb doesn't really throw screaming tantrums very much, but if he does I know what I'll be doing.
ReplyDeleteGood to know!
ReplyDeleteAnna- Thank you so much for your blog!!!! It's really makes me realize we're all in the same boat. I have a 3 year old that does the tantrums...etc.... I really enjoy reading what you write!
ReplyDeleteMy dAD totally did this to us when we were little. We never got spankings just cold showers haha I love it!
ReplyDeleteHello, I have a 2 year old daughter, that is EXTREMELY HYPER!!! And out of all of her cousins, (26 in total) the in laws say she is the most "active", Anyways after reading your blog, I feel a bit better! I mean blog after blog it states that the cold shower method is CHILD ABUSE! And although I feel awful after showering her in cold water, I will tell you one thing, SHE realizes what she is doing. I have only done this during potty training but this method seems to be working, because she is just very stubborn. BUT enough rambling. I am just glad to know that there are others in the same situation
ReplyDeleteThat is a great idea, except it scars kids for life. When your daughter is a poorly adjusted adult in perpetual therapy, you can explain to her that it was for her own good. Also, you're lucky nobody has called child protective services. If I knew who you were, I would in a heartbeat. It "works" because it's torture. Bamboo under fingernails and waterboards "work" too. Nice job, parents.
ReplyDeletehttp://blog.mlive.com/bctimes/2008/02/torture_charges_added_in_child.html
ReplyDeleteNote the bits about cold showers and ice baths. They were on the lower end of the torture charges, but definitely included in them. How could you do that to somebody that I know you love? If parenting overwhelms you so much, please consider leaving your children with a friend for a couple hours.
This is for Anonymous. The point of the cold shower, I think, is to stop the behavior and get the child back in control of itself--NOT PUNISH the child. And ICE BATHS are a different story.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, though, that a cold shower is considered child abuse today. It was one method of behavior modification that was TAUGHT to parents (BY PROFESSIONALS with all the letters behind their names)in Omaha, NE,15-20 years ago. It was PREFERRED to folding the screaming child in your arms and rocking and singing softly a song they loved "Jesus Loves Me". Why? Holding and rocking taught the child to expect physical contact when angry and they would become physically aggressive when they grew up. Some thought holding the door shut was abuse, but it was taught by the same people. Spraying them in the face with a squirt bottle was another one. I don't care what you say, you CANNOT talk or reason with a child who is out of control `in a full-blown fit, for whatever the reason. And you can't leave it with a friend for a couple of hours. Ever try putting a screaming child in the car and driving it somewhere and try leaving it there?
Thank God I grew up when a 8-to-12-inch 'switch" (twig actually) was allowed. The sting got your attention VERY quickly. I saw my mom stop my little brothers in mid scream with one little flick on the leg, followed by the words, "No, no." There were NO tantrums from that 2 year old AND both of those boys are now in their 50s, productive citizens, great parents, NOT scarred. It must have happened to the rest of us because we are GREAT people. Thanks Mom and Dad.
One comment for potty training. I don't know any "normal" child who starts kindergarten in diapers or not potty trained! Some kids are just not ready as soon as others. The body and brain have to sync so the child recognizes the signals and responds in time. Others (like one of my nephews) was afraid of falling in and going through the hole. NO ONE could convince him that there was no way possible he would fit. For other children,it is one thing they can control in a world that sometimes seems out of control. It is a lot easier on everybody to keep that child in a Pull-up and train yourself to put the child on the toilet after every meal(a small one works better for some children). And yes, those little rascals will go find some place to hide and do their business. Got to watch and listen for the signs and the silence. Some kids like to be offered a reward of big boy or big girl underwear. Doesn't work for everyone, but for some it does. You cannot rush physiology. If the child is not ready, or afraid, any form of pressure makes it worse. I've raised 5 to adulthood, 3 are still on the way to adulthood and have 6 grands. NONE of them were trained at the same point, but NONE started school in a Pull-up. All were trained by 3 1/2. No, it wasn't fun changing a messy Pull-up. But the child was not ready. Be patient. If there is no medical problem, they will get there. Definitely nix the cold bath.
ReplyDelete