Thursday, October 29, 2009

I Will Survive

I've been feeling EXACTLY like this lately!
So this is MY version of Survivor!
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids (age 5 and under) for six weeks.
Each kid will have individual schedules to keep.
He will need to load and unload all three kids in the car at least four times a day to transport the oldest to and from school.
The baby needs feed every 3-4 hours.
The Toddler needs potty trained.
Diapers need changed.
There is no fast food.
Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner must be prepared and served before children start having fits that they are starving!
He must not forget to nap the baby.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids;
keep his assigned house clean,
help with and correct all homework,
complete science projects,
do dishes,
do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Grocery shopping must be done with all three children without making a scene.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished, and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings and church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
Dinner will be ready and on the Table by 6pm, followed by clean up, baths, and p.j.'s.
They will need to read a book to the kids each night .
He must be prepared to wake up in the middle of the night with the baby at least once and the toddler at least once.
And in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:30 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
shoe size,
clothes size,
doctor's name,
the child's weight at birth,
time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear,
and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins ONLY IF..he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called



  1. I LOVE IT!!! I'm completly exhausted just reading this!

  2. You are to funny!!! Sometimes I feel exactly like that. Oh nad you forgot to add in that they have to unpack a truck load of boxes within that six weeks time. ;) I am so putting this on facebook.

  3. I really enjoyed reading this because being a mom is exhausting!! I doubt many men would last a week!

  4. Men would never last this test, though they'd for sure be able to pass the final!! Animals...
    So funny!! Seriously though, I'd tune into that show...

  5. I tried and I failed already, and that is with 2 kids. And you are all right, men suck! They are worthless and don't do anything compared to you. They should really make comics about stay at home Moms!

  6. I agree!!!!
    It was very funny!!

  7. Seriously. Although, at times I think Gabe is a better mother than I am :) This was hillairous

  8. LOL!! So, I was thinking about getting pregnant soon. Yeah, nope. Changed my mind.