Thursday, August 12, 2010

Time To Let It Go

I think last night was my breaking point. Getting the membranes stripped has done nothing. I am having NO contractions. I pretty much lost it, because I thought for sure it would at least give me more. I have been so stressed out that it truly has consumed me. The fact of the matter is, Alex starts work Monday. He'll be taking that day off because that is the day I will be induced. That is the day this little girl will be forced to make her entrance. And that is the day I will keep my eyes on. When we come home from the hospital I will try my best to be a trooper through my recovery. Alex will have meetings that week and then head back to full time work 4 days later. I will just have to learn how to juggle my 6, 3, and 1 year old while recovering and caring for a newborn.
Yes, tomorrow the Dr. can strip them again. I'm not going to have any expectations that I will be dilated to a 4 because usually in order to dilate, your body needs to be having some contractions. Which at this point...aren't happening, and haven't really happened for two weeks now. So this morning I have a new resolve to try to just "let it go". Today I will go help my Sister-in-law on a Vault Denim party. Maybe this evening we'll get the kids out. Friday morning I'll go sit in the Dr.'s office until he can see me. Maybe that day I'll go shopping for some school supplies. Who knows, I think I just need to keep myself busy until Monday morning.
This has been really hard on me, but it makes me realize how powerless I am. I have never been this far along with this little progression. No contractions and a constant achy body is frustrating. So, here's to Monday. I am going to do my best to keep myself composed until then.


  1. I think that is exactly what you need to do, LET.IT.GO.
    Did you ever think that all this extra stress isn't helping? Stress can do a lot to your body, and I'm sure it is aiding in not allowing your body to go into labor.
    Instead of thinking how horrible you have it (being not even 40 weeks) think of how much worse it could be, like perhaps having your husband deployed and not even able to make it to the birth, like so many women do.
    Keep your head up, it's not as bad as you think.

  2. Anna, if you want me to take the kids for a few days I sure can. Alex could meet me half way and give me the kids. Think about it, I'd love to help.

  3. To the "Anonymous" commenter on my you know EXACTLY what it is like to live in my body...and can describe my "situation" to me as "not that bad"...thanks for your so called Sympathy(?) I have plenty of friends who have had husbands deployed when they have their babies and I have Tons of sympathy for them and would never wish that on anyone. No that is not my life but your judgment on me is shallow and completely unjustified. I think I will just make my blog closed to anonymous comments. Sorry, I don't need a tough love speech from someone who doesn't know my life and doesn't choose to even share their name.

  4. Anna the end of pregnancy is ALWAYS the toughest...keep your head up...Monday will get here, just remember how long these days seem and then how quickly they go after the baby comes...pretty soon you are looking at a 1 year old or a 3 year old or a 6 year old. doesn't seem fair that that time seems to fly so fast as opposed to when they are are the inside of us. i think you are a great mom, i have my hands full with two i can't imagine being fully pregnant in summer heat and having 3 children to take care is to bad this little girl hasn't decided to make her presence while Alex was still out for the summer, but just remember things happen for a reason, she probably has a good reason to stay inside you even if it is just a few days longer! keep your head up, you are an excellent mother! and your little peanut will make her debut (eventually :)!!!

  5. You are such a trooper, Anna! I'm leaving this comment after she's finally here since I didn't have a chance to leave it sooner, but I strongly agree that no one can know what it feels like to be you, or judge you for what is hard to you. Each person has different and specific circumstances that take them personally to the edge. I have been there, and I know there were people looking in from the outside that felt like, "seriously? what is the big deal? you're making yourself sick! Let.It.Go., etc." So I also know the incredible amount of effort, personal strength and control it takes at that personal breaking point to decide to let it go, to admit that you don't have control and there's nothing else you can do but try to make the best of where you're at. In that moment your very best efforts may not look like much to the observer, but I wanted you to know that this post brought tears to my eyes for your struggles and your strength. Way to go, woman! You are my hero!