Monday, February 8, 2010

They Broke Me

So yesterday at church, I was briefly mentioning to some friends how I hardly cry anymore. We had gone to a movie on Friday night that was supposedly a "cryer". Did I cry? Not even close. Anyway after I mentioned my "non cry status" it got me thinking. I cried ALOT during my first year or so of marriage. I wouldn't even say it was anything Alex did or didn't do either. Maybe its just an emotional time, and kids toughen you up. I don't know. Either way, I've realized I'm not as much of an emotional mess as I used to be. Now, when I get upset I tend to get irritable, which is probably not a good exchange. Well, I should have knocked on wood, cuz yesterday just about did me in. It started off ok. It seems my kids have had this stupid cruddy cold for weeks, despite that I decided we all needed to go to church. We got ready and we all went. We were all doing fine except Alex, so I sent him home with the baby. After Church, we came home to a clean house. So I made Alex something nice to eat. Since he wasn't feeling good, after dinner, I turned a movie on for the kids and we went in our room to lay down. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and came in the living room which my kids pretty much destroyed. I decided not to blow up on them while Alex was trying to get a nap. When he got up, he was the one in a bad mood. It all escalated from there. I was not happy at my kids for making such a mess. On top of that they were all being super needy and super fussy. By 7:30 last night I was on my last string. Mycah was having a tantrum and dug her little sharp nails into my hand. It hurt so bad, she got a spank and I left Alex to finish because who knows what else I would have done. I broke down completely. My kids did it. They broke me yesterday. I cried so hard I couldn't hold my stomach. Yesterday was not a good one. It carried with me into the night. I was annoyed while I slept. How does that happen? Alex was so sick with this dumb cold, he couldn't sleep. Finally at 2:30 in the morning he got up and showered then left for work. CRAZY! So here's to a better day.

4 comments:

  1. You need a nice hot bath with candles and delilah. No interuptions and a good babysitter! Bring em on over they will listen to "Miss Kami" I promise;)haha

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  2. WOW!I am sorry about your day, but don't feel bad, we get those kinds of days quite often around here too. It is no fun either. I hate being the mean mom who ends up yelling, getting irritated and then end up having this huge emotional break down in front of my kids who already think I am crazy. You are human and you sound a lot like me. Hope that they colds will go away. Seems like those linger for quite some time in our home too. I am ready for summer and warmer weather. We had being couped up in the house.

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  3. Sounds miserable. Sometimes when I feel like I am trying to be the "more calm - chill out" mom - things get even more crazy. Having a sick family definitely escalates things. I hope things get better soon! :)

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  4. I jinxed you. I am sorry. But maybe if you'd cried at the movie then you would have been all dried out. Just playing. I think it's good to have a break down every once in a while. It reminds us that we are human.

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