Monday, September 12, 2011

Insecure

Do you ever get in a bit of a funk when you feel down for a while?  I guess its just part of life, but I don't like it.  I feel like I've been in a bit of a "funk" ever since school started.  For one reason or another it has just really been hard for me. 
First off, Alex is busier.  School has started, so now he is gone more.  He has responsibilities as an instructor that require extra work before and after school.  He also has a second job with the U of I.  On top of that he is taking classes to become a certified administrator in the State of Idaho.  Add a Ward Mission Leader calling at church, you get the picture.  Also, I am learning a whole new meaning to my duties at home.  My 7 year old Dejah is now gone every day at school.  I am home with the youngest three with NO help.  It kind of feels like having a 3, 2, and 1 year old....except the 3 year old is actually 4 1/2.  I will admit, she has calmed WAY down, but Mycah and Logan fight like nothing I've seen before.  They literally duke it out.  Logan will take something of Mycah's, she'll  hit him, he'll hit back.  Logan will pin Mycah down and bite her.... I mean it goes on and on like that.  I really try my best, but I feel like I am almost always in discipline mode.  When Logan has his screaming fits I just want to pull my hair out.  If we are around friends, I am so embarrassed by my kids.  Yet I know their other side which can be so loving and sweet.
Now to me personally.  When I wrote my post about how I felt about being a stay at home mom, I got some negative feedback.  I guess I just wasn't expecting people to take it so personally.  I have been feeling extremely self-conscious about what I say and do.  I'm pretty sensitive, so even Alex correcting me, kind of hurts.  I don't know where all this insecurity is coming from, but I am getting kind of sick of it.  At the same time I am not sure how to fix it.  I just want to be able to be myself and not feel like I'm saying something stupid or doing something wrong. 
Do you have a long list of things you want to accomplish, but can't seem to even grasp?  Here are a few of mine.
1.  Read The Hunger Games Series 
2.  Have Family Home Evening EVERY Monday Night
3.  Have two weeks to a month of planned meals scheduled so that there is no question about what is for dinner that day.
4.  Take one morning a week and PREP all food for dinners that week (chopping stupid veggies, thaw meat, marinade, ect...)
5.  STOP eating out for lunch.  I absolutely HATE homemade lunch...and I have been ordering it WAY too much.  (This habit started when I was a single working girl)
6.  Keep my closet organized!  Ugh.
7.  Work out at least 3 times a week.
.....................anyway......................you get the picture.

4 comments:

  1. You must read The Hunger Games. It is so good and it will be a great distraction for you. Sometimes you just need a good book or show am I right?

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  2. Mitzi is on the right track. If you are occupied with projects and things that keep your mind engaged, you wont be bugged so much by the mundane daily things like caring for kids and cleaning house etc. You MUST read hunger games. I have it on audio and cleaned my house to it - it saved me. Also I HAVE to have a project going on. Usually im planning a party or shower for someone, taking meals in to someone, or working on YW stuff. Service is a HUGE lifesaver for me. I think im going to do a little homeschool curriculum with Brigitte so that has kept me really busy planning out activities and art projects. Maybe Myca and Logan would like to do something like that? Id be happy to email you my ideas once I get them organized. Anyway, as usual you are really doing better than you think - and its just our nature to be hard on ourselves. So ease up and just say "it is what it is!" and thats great!

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  3. Oh Anna! I'm so glad I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel like my kids are the only kids who do NOT get along. This summer was the worst when we were cooped up in an apartment all day and I was so sick w/ the pregnancy I would just lock myself in my bedroom and listen to my kids fight like cats and dogs and I would cry! I remember fighting with my sibs and we are all best friends now. So I guess it gets better from here right?!
    I'm so sorry that your other post has made you insecure about what you say on YOUR blog. I think you speak very well and are not offensive in the slightest. It's so easy to say "I don't care what people think." But in reality I think we all do and that's ok, just don't let it get us down.
    I had to laugh about the part that you don't like lunch at home... I'm the same way! I would love to go to lunch everyday if I could. PB&J's get sooo old! Plus no cleanup!
    K, you need to start the Hunger Games before the movie comes out! You won't regret it... also The Help is amazing if you haven't already read it!

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